appearance, attraction, binge eating, breelovesbeauty, crossfit, diet, eating disorder, exercise, fat, food, happy, healthy, life, me, mindset, my life, size zero, skinny, society, starvation, weight loss, youtube, youtube channels
I think this post will be an ongoing discussion with me constantly trying to find the correct answer to such argumentative subject.
In English basically I’m going to discuss weightloss and the painful truth that we are becoming rapidly obsessed with it.
I’ll be the first person to put my hands up and say, I had an eating disorder. I used to binge and starve in a vicious cycle for about 6 months until I started to become ill and I couldn’t control it anymore. I remember crying when I watched Bree loves Beauty’s youtube video as I knew thats it! thats what I’ve been doing to myself all this time.
It started off from me just comparing myself to other girls which truthfully I still do to this day. I decided I needed to lose weight, I had always been a chubby kid and that was it I needed a new lease of life and the only way I felt that could happen was if I lost weight and fast.
Hi 16 year old me!
I was moving to America for the summer and I knew the place I was going to be living at was hot so I didn’t want to be the fat girl sweating because she wouldn’t be seen dead in shorts. So I started training with a personal trainer and dieting. I did the worst thing I think any girl or guy could, I downloaded a weightloss app to my phone, it helped me count my calories and I became obsessed. I’d stick to 1200 calories a day religiously. Then I went to America and I started putting the weight back on. When I came home I was mortified so dieted big style, I went from 1200 calories a day to barely breaking 1000 after spending hours at the gym. I’d actually be proud if I managed to work off all the calories I had eaten for the day but it meant and hour and a half of solid high cardio based workouts. I had become addicted to being skinny and the amount of compliments I was getting saying how tiny I was just spurred me on more.
Then came the bingeing, I had starved my body for 4 months straight and ended up at 7st 7lbs or 47kg 62g. My bones were sticking out of my chest and it began to hurt to exercise, I could barely lift any weights. My body was craving food so everyday I’d starve as much as I could during the day and binge on easy 3000 calories in a matter of hours eating literally anything in sight and then spending money on huge bags of crisps and chocolate.
Yet again the weight piled back on and I was devastated the compliments stopped coming and I had to wear my old clothes. And that gets me back to late 2013/early 2014, I’ve started Crossfit and I eat whatever the hell I like. Yes I don’t have a particularly healthy diet and yes I’ve stopped loosing weight, if anything I’m putting it back on but I don’t care. (Well not as much as before) I know if there’s a specific shoot or item of clothing I want to look good in I know to eat HEALTHIER and exercise accordingly, not starve myself.
And what worries me the most now, is I can see the obsession I had in some of my friends and family members. We as a society are told that being thin is attractive. What I want to say is being happy is much much much more attractive.
Please anyone who reads this and can even remotely relate contact me or just remember you are your own person, don’t live your life to ‘fit in’. Try to change your mindset and your body will follow, I promise.